Getting Started with Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy
Many people come to IFS because they notice inner conflict. Sometimes that inner conflict is actions that do not align with values. Other times it is a desire to better understand the drivers behind emotions and behavior. IFS offers a compassionate way to understand all of that without pathologizing.
IFS offers a compassionate way to understand all of these inner experiences without pathologizing any of them. It’s a trauma-informed model that sees your mind as a system of “parts,” guided by a core Self that is calm, wise, and deeply compassionate.
In this post, I’ll share:
a simple introduction to IFS
a few beginner-friendly books if you’d like to read more
gentle ideas for how to start exploring IFS on your own
what it can look like to begin IFS therapy with a trained clinician
What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
IFS was developed by Richard Schwartz, PhD, in the 1980s. At its core, IFS is built on a few key ideas:
We all have “parts.”
These are subpersonalities or inner voices—like the Perfectionist, the Inner Critic, the Planner, the Numb One, the Angry Teen, the people-pleasing part, the anxious part, and so on.There are no bad parts.
Even the parts that feel harsh, self-sabotaging, or impulsive are ultimately trying to protect you from pain, even if their strategies are no longer working well.We also have a core Self.
Self is the calm, centered “you” at the core, with qualities often called the “8 Cs”: curiosity, compassion, calm, clarity, courage, connectedness, confidence, and creativity.Healing happens when Self leads.
Instead of fighting or suppressing parts, IFS helps you build a relationship with them from Self—listening to them, understanding what they’re protecting, and helping them unburden old pain.
In practice, this means we don’t try to erase or overpower any part of you. We get to know your system and help it feel safer, more connected, and less polarized.
A Few Book Recommendations If You’re New to IFS
There are many IFS books out there. These are three that tend to be especially helpful for people who are just getting started.
1. No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD
This is an accessible introduction to IFS written by the founder of the model. It explains parts, Self, protectors, and exiles in everyday language and includes reflections and practices you can try between chapters.
You might use this book to:
read a chapter at a time and notice which “parts” feel familiar
underline or jot down phrases like “this sounds like my inner critic”
bring those notes into therapy if you’re working with an IFS-informed clinician
2. Self-Therapy by Jay Earley, PhD
This audiobook is more of a step-by-step guide. It walks through the IFS process in detail and is often helpful if you like structure and clear instructions. Many people use it as a companion to therapy.
You might:
try one exercise at a time when you have space and privacy
pause if you feel overwhelmed and return later
ask your therapist to help you integrate what comes up
3. The Internal Family Systems Workbook by Richard Schwartz, PhD
This newer workbook offers guided exercises, journaling prompts, and meditations to help you identify and work with your parts. It’s designed both for self-care and to support therapy.
You might:
treat it like a guided journal rather than something to rush through
start with lighter exercises (like mapping your parts) before diving into deeper trauma material
use it alongside therapy, so you have support for anything that surfaces
Important note: For people with complex trauma, dissociation, or a history of self-harm, these books can be powerful—but it’s usually safest to use them in partnership with a trained therapist rather than as a stand-alone approach.
Gentle Ways to Start Exploring IFS on Your Own
You don’t have to do anything intense to begin IFS work. Small, consistent shifts in how you talk to yourself can be meaningful.
1. Start Naming Your Parts
When you notice a strong emotion or reaction, try shifting from “I am…” to “A part of me…”
Instead of “I’m anxious,” try “A part of me is really anxious right now.”
Instead of “I’m so lazy,” try “There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to do anything today.”
This simple language change creates a bit of space. You are more than any one part.
2. Practice Curious, Compassionate Attention
IFS is less about “fixing” parts and more about getting curious about them.
You might silently ask a part:
“What are you worried would happen if you didn’t do your job?”
“What are you trying to protect me from?”
“How long have you been doing this for me?”
You don’t have to get a clear answer. Just asking from a kinder place, instead of from judgment, is already IFS work.
3. Try a Simple Check-In Exercise
You can adapt this for journaling or a quiet moment:
Notice what’s most up for you right now.
For example: “I notice a part of me that feels really overwhelmed.”See if you can get a little space.
Imagine that part sitting in a chair across from you, or just slightly in front of you, so you can see it instead of being fully blended with it.Check how you feel toward it.
If you notice frustration or judgment (“I hate this part”), see if there’s another part that’s judging. That’s okay—just notice it.Ask a gentle question.
“What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t feel this way?”
“What do you wish I understood about you?”Thank the part for sharing anything at all—even if you don’t fully understand.
If at any point this feels too intense, it’s completely okay to stop, come back to your breathing, look around the room, or ground yourself with sensations (touching something solid, feeling your feet on the floor).What “Getting Started” with IFS Can Look Like
You don’t have to do anything elaborate to begin exploring IFS. Here are some gentle first steps.
When (and Why) to Work with an IFS Therapist
While it’s possible to do some IFS-informed self-reflection on your own, therapy can make the process safer, deeper, and more supported—especially if you have a history of trauma, chronic shame, or intense self-criticism.
Working with an IFS therapist often includes:
Mapping your system.
Getting to know your main protectors (the parts that manage day-to-day life or try to prevent pain) and your more vulnerable “exiles” (parts that carry old hurt, shame, or fear).Building safety and trust.
Your therapist will help parts feel heard and respected so they don’t have to resort to extreme strategies (like shutdown, self-harm, overworking, or numbing).Strengthening Self energy.
You’ll be gently invited to notice: “How do you feel toward this part?” and to cultivate more curiosity, compassion, and calm toward it.Gradual healing of deeper wounds.
Over time, as protectors feel safer, it becomes possible to visit the younger parts that carry old burdens and help them release what they’ve been holding.
At Leaf Psychiatry, I use IFS (Level 1 and Level 2 training through the IFS Institute) alongside EMDR and evidence-based medication management when appropriate, so that you don’t have to choose between relational, depth-oriented work and biological care. You can also find a therapist through the IFS Institute website directory.
Safety, Pacing, and When to Slow Down
IFS can bring up strong emotions, memories, or body sensations. It’s wise to go slowly, especially if you:
have a history of complex trauma or abuse
struggle with dissociation or “checking out”
have current thoughts of self-harm or suicide
If you notice yourself becoming flooded, numb, or disconnected from the present, that’s a signal to pause the inner work and focus on grounding and external safety. You can always return to the inner process later with more support.
If you’re in immediate crisis or thinking about harming yourself, please contact local emergency services or a crisis line (for example, calling or texting 988 in the U.S.) rather than relying on books or self-guided practices.
If You’re Curious About IFS Therapy
If you’re feeling a pull toward this way of working, that curiosity is worth listening to.
You don’t have to have your inner world “figured out” to begin. We can start exactly where you are—one part at a time—at a pace that feels manageable and safe.
On my end, I’ll bring IFS, EMDR, and psychiatric expertise; you’ll bring your lived experience and your own emerging Self energy. We’ll work together from there.
You’re welcome to reach out through the New Patient Request form on the Leaf Psychiatry website if you’d like to explore whether IFS-informed therapy might be a good fit for you.
